Shadows of My Mind

In this monologue, ARASH opens up to his Friend about a circle of depression he encounters in his life.  He wants to avoid getting depressed and in this monologue he speaks with his Friend about what he experiences and seeks advice.

Arash: I torture myself and I don’t know how to stop it…I try so hard to think positive and for the most part I do, I am; but, keeping myself that way is the hardest thing in the world.  It creeps up on me out from the shadows of my mind.  I hate to sound like some cheesy novel but it’s true.  Whatever I have going on deep inside myself, I do my best to ignore and most days, everything is good but when it hits, when this sudden rush of negative energy comes by, it’s like a wave of depression.

I get so down about the direction of my life.  Am I making the right decisions?  Am I being who I am meant to be?  I get low about the things I do and I second guess my choices after I’ve already made them and then sometimes days later I change my mind again and go back to an earlier choice I made about the same damn thing…

Back and forth, back and forth…like a circle of confusion.  I feel like I’m going crazy when this happens, when I can’t seem to figure out a solution to my path…it’s like a disease in my brain…I get trapped inside myself and I get lost in this really lonely place; until finally I find some inner strength and I rip forward in a new light but I know that it’s only a matter of time before I go back to that, that way of being and it scares me.  I don’t want to be that way…I just want to be happy and want to know that I am living my life with purpose.  I don’t want to have any regrets when I get old and look back on the life I’ve lived; cause I won’t be able to go back and that would kill me in the end.

I may need help.  I don’t know if this is something that I should see a doctor about…like a therapist or —I don’t believe in medication.  Never have.  Maybe I’m too emotional and take myself too damn seriously.  I don’t know, I don’t—What do you think, huh?  How do I put an end to these phases that I go through?

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Arash has been writing stories ever since he could hold a pencil! What started out as an intrinsic love for storytelling has turned into his lifelong passion. There’s nothing he likes better than writing (and reading) stories that is humorous in English and Persian languages, with a touch of Suspense and a poignant streak of truth running through them. Arash is also a YouTuber, Persian singer/songwriter, blogger, traveler, filmmaker, big dreamer, and professional kabob eater. When he’s not writing or dreaming up new stories, you can find him in an adventure road-tripping to national parks! If you want to see Arash in his element (ranting about stories) check out his YouTube channel.

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