Arash’s “A.A.” Share

HI, I – I’m ARASH, um,alcoholic
I’ve been sober for 777 days
I-I drank my first beer when I was eleven years old
My mom’s an alcoholic, so, uh, my father liked to
blame my lapse on her example
That way he could hurt both of us at once
Anyway I liked my beer…
And the one that followed
And about a year ago I god drunk
I couldn’t stop getting drunk
It had never really happened quite like that, and I still
don’t know why
I’ve lied to everyone that I know
Everyone i love and…
I was ashamed and terrified
And humiliated everyday.
Um, one day I…
Got out of the shower, grabbed a towel…
And decided to go get the paper.
And nobody saw me go out the front door or at the
curb,
which was a very good thing,
because I was holding the towel just folded in my
hand
I know how lucky I’ve been,
‘cause there were times when I drove my little boys
around…
just ripped out of my mind
One saturday I took my baby boy on errands
And when I got home
I realized he wasn’t with me.
I had left him some place
And since I couldn’t remember where I’d been,
I had no idea where,so…
I spent the next few hours calling every shop I’d ever
been to…
Until finally the tile guy rang my front door bell.
They had found my address on a check
I rewarded him of course, you know, by never going
back to his store
My bottom was 777 days ago …
When my,uh,
my little boy watched me…
wash down aspirin with vodka.
And then I hit my baby….
And when I passed out he was alone with me,
and he taught I was dead
and all of my life I will never know what I did to him.
And I know I have to forgive myself for that
And I have to forgive myself for what I’ve done to my wife.
It’s horrifyng how much you can hate yourself for
being low and weak.
And she couldn’t save me from that, so i turned it on
her.
I tried to empty it onto her, but there was always
more, ya know?
When She tried to help
I told her that She made me feel small and worsless.
But nobody makes us feel that, man.
We do that for ourselves.
I shut her out because…
I knew that if She ever really saw…
Who I was inside,
She wouldn’t love me .
And we’re separated now.
She left me
And it was so hard not to beg her to stay:
And I don’t know if I’m gonna get a second chance,
but I have to believe I do deserve one
because we all do.

Published by

Netaarash

Arash has been writing stories ever since he could hold a pencil! What started out as an intrinsic love for storytelling has turned into his lifelong passion. There’s nothing he likes better than writing (and reading) stories that is humorous in English and Persian languages, with a touch of Suspense and a poignant streak of truth running through them. Arash is also a YouTuber, Persian singer/songwriter, blogger, traveler, filmmaker, big dreamer, and professional kabob eater. When he’s not writing or dreaming up new stories, you can find him in an adventure road-tripping to national parks! If you want to see Arash in his element (ranting about stories) check out his YouTube channel.

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