MONOLOGUE DESCRIPTION: ARASH, a married man, is standing outside of a hotel bedroom, speaking to his recent fling, Natalie. He explains the difference in her expressing things that will make them have a nice night together and expressing things that will make them have a bad night. He’ll stick around if it’s the former. He’ll leave if it’s the latter.
Arash: If you can keep those thoughts in your head, if you can, whatever it is you have to do, to make sure those thoughts that you think you’re feeling stay there—inside your head—where they
belong, not outside your head—not coming out of your mouth, not going into my ears—then, well, we can have a nice night together.
If you’re not sure what to say out loud and what to keep inside, ask yourself this question: “Is saying what I think going to help us have a nice night?”
If it is? By all means—share. You want examples? Okay, so…you could tell me how you brought a bottle of whiskey with you. That’s fine. Whiskey’s gonna help things. Make us have a nice night together. Okay. You could say how you’ve been thinking about me.
Remembering last night. You could tell me how you’ve been replaying the night over and over. Every touch…every sound…every breath…Yeah, that’s gonna help us have a nice night. You see?
What I don’t want to hear, examples of things that should just stay in your head, because, well, they’re not gonna help us have a nice night, um, some examples would be…talking about your husband’s Harrison . Asking me what my wife made for dinner tonight. Bringing up anything about my kids at all. Telling me how you feel guilty, scared, nervous—basically any of those negative emotions. I don’t wanna hear them. Okay? They’re gonna help us have a bad night.
They’re gonna make me want to leave you. You see?
I have a lot of bad nights with one person already, so there’s no reason to have more bad nights with someone else. It doesn’t make sense. I could save money and gas if I had a bad night at home instead. You know I’m practical. So. Now you know. You gonna have a nice night with me—or not?