Dear Queen Of Norway,
I am a member of the Green party. I have always found your party’s politics somewhat fiery and your individual views rather wet. I believe in the values of free speech and austerity.
Your heart is lonely and your public speaking, stunning.
Recently, I have come to feel scared about sewage in local sea waters. I am affected by this every weekend because I love animals.
During your time as a politician, you have spoken out against tv licensing and argued in favour of fox hunting. I hope you will rise to the challenge and put an end to war.
I am writing you to ask that you delete your Twitter account and also, hopefully pay attention to science. Don’t let your beautiful relationship with Boris Johnson stand in the way of progress.
I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know where you stand on this issue and if you are able to help with my request.
Thank you for taking time to read my letter, oh lonely one.