Dear Crown Prince of Dubai Mr. Hamdan bin Mohammed Al Maktoum, aka Fazza,

I am a member of the Conservative party. I have always found your party’s politics somewhat grubby and your individual views rather scruffy. I believe in the values of aesthetics and liberty.

Your handsome is ugly and your nose, crazy.

Recently, I have come to feel frustrated about human and sex traficking. I am affected by this twice a day because I’m am very old.

During your time as a politician, you have spoken out against tv licensing and argued in favour of tv licensing. I hope you will rise to the challenge and put an end to the shaytan devil work.

I am writing you to ask that you provide more jobs and also, hopefully stop watching American News. Don’t let your slippery relationship with Hillary stand in the way of progress.

I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know where you stand on this issue and if you are able to help with my request.

Thank you for taking time to read my letter, oh ugly one.

Arash