Dear Crown Prince Brothers of England Mr. William and Harry,

I am a member of the Green party. I have always found your party’s politics somewhat sharp and your individual views rather terrifying. I believe in the values of liberty and charity.

Your public speaking is stupid and your nose, delightful.

Recently, I have come to feel terrified about human traficking. I am affected by this every weekend because I have lost my job.

During your time as a politician, you have spoken out against fox hunting and argued in favour of fox hunting. I hope you will rise to the challenge and put an end to human traficking.

I am writing you to ask that you take a firmer stance on crime and also, hopefully provide more jobs. Don’t let your manky relationship with Donald Trump stand in the way of progress.

I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know where you stand on this issue and if you are able to help with my request.

Thank you for taking time to read my letter, oh stupid one.

Arash