Dear Ayatolah Khamenei,

I am a member of the demorat party. I have always found your party’s politics somewhat tacky and your individual views rather spotty. I believe in the values of islamic values and morality.

Your your cloak is fake and your your turban, great.

Recently, I have come to feel frightened about the underwaters. I am affected by this most days because I love surfing.

During your time as a politician, you have spoken out against animal welfare and argued in favour of sewage in local sea waters. I hope you will rise to the challenge and put an end to war.

I am writing you to ask that you introduce me to the world and also, hopefully ban fossil fuels. Don’t let your chewy relationship with Trump stand in the way of progress.

I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know where you stand on this issue and if you are able to help with my request.

Thank you for taking time to read my letter, oh fake one.

Arash