The Subway Monologue

Ladies and germs. I am a clown. Bet you could not guess. I am not collecting for the homeless, I am just a clown. I have always been a clown. I started out in high school as the class clown… and just went on from there. I briefly attended clown college in Florida. But they only teach you how to be a clown in the circus. I have what you might call a really good sense of humour. I don’t know where it comes from. But like sometimes, I’ll just be standing somewhere and somebody will say something, and then I’ll say something, and it will be very funny. Usually people will laugh and wonder where I get my sense of humor. Not from Clown College I can tell you that right now. Humor is a God-given talent they used to say to me…

Or sometimes I’m on the subway, and I’ll start to laugh and people will look at me like I’m crazy and I’ll say: Hey! I’m not crazy! I was just thinking something really funny. You see? I can crack myself up. Or sometimes people say to me: Hey! Don’t you have any normal clothes? And I say, Hey! What’s “normal” anyway? I have a “Sister” who’s a “Lesbian”. Besides, these are the only clothes I have…well, not just this outfit, but I mean that I only have clown-esque clothing. Or clothing in the clown genre.

Say, for instance, I want to buy a pair of suspenders. I don’t buy a solid colour. I go for a rainbow design or some design having to do with clowns. I also like for formal dressing, those black stretch pants with stirrups for your feet.

I enjoy performing mime! You may wish I would perform mime now. Or at least be quiet.

But I think too many clowns are quiet these days. And besides, I am not prepared to do mime today. Well, ok. But just this one thing. It’s called, “The Box.” You pretend you are in a box and find all the invisible walls around you. That’s fun. I’ll do it now.

Thank you. Oh! And I’m homeless. I’m a Vietnam vet. I’m a real estate broker, and this is my imitation of a smoke alarm. EEEEEEE. EEEEEEE. This is not mime. EEEEE. Money does make me stop. EEEEEE. Though I am not asking for money. EEEE EEEEEE. Money makes me stop. Money makes me stop. EEEE. Thank you. Thank you.

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Arash has been writing stories ever since he could hold a pencil! What started out as an intrinsic love for storytelling has turned into his lifelong passion. There’s nothing he likes better than writing (and reading) stories that is humorous in English and Persian languages, with a touch of Suspense and a poignant streak of truth running through them. Arash is also a YouTuber, Persian singer/songwriter, blogger, traveler, filmmaker, big dreamer, and professional kabob eater. When he’s not writing or dreaming up new stories, you can find him in an adventure road-tripping to national parks! If you want to see Arash in his element (ranting about stories) check out his YouTube channel.

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