Dear Famous Politician Lady Helen Mirren,
I am a member of the Scottish Nationalist party. I have always found your party’s politics somewhat disruptive and your individual views rather wild. I believe in the values of patience and charity.
Your moral compass is tacky and your disposition, lifeless.
Recently, I have come to feel frightened about human traficking. I am affected by this every Friday because I am old.
During your time as a politician, you have spoken out against fox hunting and argued in favour of care for the elderly. I hope you will rise to the challenge and put an end to squabbling.
I am writing you to ask that you cooperate with China and also, hopefully ban animal testing. Don’t let your aggressive relationship with Queen stand in the way of progress.
I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know where you stand on this issue and if you are able to help with my request.
Thank you for taking time to read my letter, oh tacky one.