Dear Merryl Streep,
I am a member of the Scottish Nationalist party. I have always found your party’s politics somewhat smooth and your individual views rather annoying. I believe in the values of respect and morality.
Your morality is smelly and your conduct, wet.
Recently, I have come to feel frustrated about High Jackers. I am affected by this fortnightly because I have lost my job.
During your time as a politician, you have spoken out against hi jack hunting and argued in favour of care for the elderly. I hope you will rise to the challenge and put an end to trafickers.
I am writing you to ask that you condemn beauty pageants and also, hopefully take firm standing. Don’t let your tacky relationship with Boris Johnson stand in the way of progress.
I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know where you stand on this issue and if you are able to help with my request.
Thank you for taking time to read my letter, oh smelly one.